When I arrived home last night, I realized I'd just played what might have been the weirdest playlist in the history of humanity.
Many linguists have noted that it doesn't take a lot of words for a person to put together a sentence that has never been uttered before. Here's one: Rational cows wrangle parking boogers.
My tunes started out fairly normal. I listened to a few songs from Erran Baron Cohen's "Songs in the Key of Hanukkah." My favorite is the opening track, but I couldn't find a link to it, so here is a link to the 2nd song, "Dreidel." It's a combination of holiday klezmer and rap, with some other styles thrown in, and it's so boppy that it's definitely not just for Hanukkah.
Next I went to some microtonal music by Easley Blackwood, Jr. The scale we're all used to playing has 12 tones, but he has written music with many more notes per octave. The result is music that sounds like it came from another planet, but some of his pieces are hauntingly beautiful, and I find myself drawn to them. My favorite is Opus 28 #3 (Suite in Four Movements).
Then it was on to some solid rap music: "Lookin' Fly," by Murs (featuring will.i.am). My other favorite of Murs is "The Science," an impressive song about the history and struggles of African Americans.
Now, there are probably a lot of people who have listened back-to-back to some Murs and then some Notorious B.I.G, and I'm one of them. I put on a few songs including "Gimme the Loot." Notorious B.I.G.'s murder remains unsolved, but it's safe to say that he came on strong and went out just as fiercely.
It's possible that this playlist wasn't weird enough, so just for fun, I ended with a show tune: "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HeasqkO1Ko&feature=related," from Showboat. The version I've linked to features Helen Morgan, but I much prefer the most recent Broadway production's version by Lonette McKee. The song was written by P.G. Wodehouse (who wrote the famous series of "Jeeves and Wooster" books).
Challenge: Can you put together an even weirder playlist in under 6 songs?
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
How Many New Paltzers Does It Take to Screw in a Lightbulb?
Actually, the question should be: How Many Steps Does It Take...
Our house came with sconces outside of each door. We rarely use them. The front door sconce is easy to open, so when the bulbs blew last summer, it was a matter of minutes before they were replaced. The side door sconce is another story. In fact, it might as well be on another story, because changing the bulbs required a ladder. Strangely, it also required a vacuum cleaner.
I had been meaning to change these bulbs for some time, but last week I realized that it was going to be an involved process and that the process would involve daylight. I would have preferred a warm, sunny day, but I settled for 21 degrees and clouds.
It was only when I'd unscrewed the two screws atop the sconce that I noticed that there was bug detritus -- dead flies, eggs, wings -- all around the base of the bulbs. Simply replacing the bulbs might have led to a short circuit or other problems, so the situation called for a vacuum cleaner, meaning that I'd have to operate a vacuum from the top of a ladder that was resting on several inches of snow.
Normally, the changing of a lightbulb requires these steps:
1. Remove old bulb
2. Replace with new bulb
My operation was a bit more complex:
1. Acquire ladder from our nearby shed; place beside door
2. Grab screwdriver from kitchen shelf; place in pocket
3. Ascend ladder
4. Remove 2 screws from sconce
5. Place sconce on handrail of stairs
6. Remove bulbs
7. Descend ladder; discard old bulbs
8. Grab vacuum cleaner; reascend ladder
9. Remove doo-hickey around light fixture; vacuum. Repeat two more times
10. Descend ladder again; put down vacuum cleaner
11. Grab new bulbs; reascend ladder
12. Screw in new bulbs
13. Replace sconce top
14. Replace sconce screws
15. Replace ladder in shed
16. Replace vacuum cleaner in house.
Of course, because I couldn't even remember using this light, I had to check that it was working as soon as I'd replaced the first bulb, meaning that there were at least two more steps in this process. The above list is just a shorthand for my next bulb-changing.
Our house came with sconces outside of each door. We rarely use them. The front door sconce is easy to open, so when the bulbs blew last summer, it was a matter of minutes before they were replaced. The side door sconce is another story. In fact, it might as well be on another story, because changing the bulbs required a ladder. Strangely, it also required a vacuum cleaner.
I had been meaning to change these bulbs for some time, but last week I realized that it was going to be an involved process and that the process would involve daylight. I would have preferred a warm, sunny day, but I settled for 21 degrees and clouds.
It was only when I'd unscrewed the two screws atop the sconce that I noticed that there was bug detritus -- dead flies, eggs, wings -- all around the base of the bulbs. Simply replacing the bulbs might have led to a short circuit or other problems, so the situation called for a vacuum cleaner, meaning that I'd have to operate a vacuum from the top of a ladder that was resting on several inches of snow.
Normally, the changing of a lightbulb requires these steps:
1. Remove old bulb
2. Replace with new bulb
My operation was a bit more complex:
1. Acquire ladder from our nearby shed; place beside door
2. Grab screwdriver from kitchen shelf; place in pocket
3. Ascend ladder
4. Remove 2 screws from sconce
5. Place sconce on handrail of stairs
6. Remove bulbs
7. Descend ladder; discard old bulbs
8. Grab vacuum cleaner; reascend ladder
9. Remove doo-hickey around light fixture; vacuum. Repeat two more times
10. Descend ladder again; put down vacuum cleaner
11. Grab new bulbs; reascend ladder
12. Screw in new bulbs
13. Replace sconce top
14. Replace sconce screws
15. Replace ladder in shed
16. Replace vacuum cleaner in house.
Of course, because I couldn't even remember using this light, I had to check that it was working as soon as I'd replaced the first bulb, meaning that there were at least two more steps in this process. The above list is just a shorthand for my next bulb-changing.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
This Post Cost $152 (or, How Not to Drive up My Hill)
Last night, I spent $152 to get my car from point A, about 300 yards from my house, to point B, my house. In fact, I really only needed to move the car about 3 yards; that is, from point A to point A-point-zero-zero-one.
The car got stuck on a slight uphill in the vicinity of my our neighbor as I drove home last night. Owing to slick conditions -- it was still raining, and there was slush and ice on our road -- I could not safely drive faster than about 10 mph as I went over our bridge. I walked home and explained that I was going to dry some traction sand (that's the two bucks) and also might try putting on one of our new Autosocks.
Autosocks are tire covers made of Kevlar and other strong materials; they're designed to help you drive in slick conditions. The problem is that the company hadn't yet sent the small ones for my Smart Car, so I decided to try the larger size socks intended for our other cars. This is not advisable.
The socks worked great, but one of them got stuck inside the wheel near the axle. I could drive, but I couldn't drive fast or else I'd cause my own car fire. As a fireman, it would be even more embarrassing that usual if the fire department arrived to put out a car fire only to discover that I had started it. I took the car to our garage and paid Farooge $20 to remove the sock. As expected, the sock was torn, and since you can't just order one of them, I have to buy a new pair, costing $100. So far I'm out $122.
Shirra was hoping to go to her Pilates class this morning. In fact, she was counting on it. But owing to my confusing plans, she had to take the kids to school instead of relying on me. That brought the total to $152.
Follow-up:
When I arrived at Shirra's store an hour after writing the above post, there was a box waiting for me. It was the Autosocks for my Smart Car. They'd arrived yesterday but were given to the owner of a neighboring store. He normally brings things over right away, but Shirra's store was closed yesterday. Ah well.
The car got stuck on a slight uphill in the vicinity of my our neighbor as I drove home last night. Owing to slick conditions -- it was still raining, and there was slush and ice on our road -- I could not safely drive faster than about 10 mph as I went over our bridge. I walked home and explained that I was going to dry some traction sand (that's the two bucks) and also might try putting on one of our new Autosocks.
Autosocks are tire covers made of Kevlar and other strong materials; they're designed to help you drive in slick conditions. The problem is that the company hadn't yet sent the small ones for my Smart Car, so I decided to try the larger size socks intended for our other cars. This is not advisable.The socks worked great, but one of them got stuck inside the wheel near the axle. I could drive, but I couldn't drive fast or else I'd cause my own car fire. As a fireman, it would be even more embarrassing that usual if the fire department arrived to put out a car fire only to discover that I had started it. I took the car to our garage and paid Farooge $20 to remove the sock. As expected, the sock was torn, and since you can't just order one of them, I have to buy a new pair, costing $100. So far I'm out $122.
Shirra was hoping to go to her Pilates class this morning. In fact, she was counting on it. But owing to my confusing plans, she had to take the kids to school instead of relying on me. That brought the total to $152.
Follow-up:
When I arrived at Shirra's store an hour after writing the above post, there was a box waiting for me. It was the Autosocks for my Smart Car. They'd arrived yesterday but were given to the owner of a neighboring store. He normally brings things over right away, but Shirra's store was closed yesterday. Ah well.
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